Are You a Control Freak for Practicing the Golden Rule?

What ever happened to the Golden Rule? Has it gone out of style? Is it foolish to think that what we do as human beings makes a difference?


I admit it. I have a penchant for moving shopping carts at the grocery store. Too many times I’ve found a perfectly good parking space taken up by a wayward cart left behind by a busy shopper, often just a few feet from the cart corral. What does this say about us as a society?

There was a time we thanked people for holding the door for us as we came upon them. We appreciated the effort made. It told us that people were aware of our existence. We were part of society and we knew it by the way our fellow citizens treated us. Those little measures of civility made us feel connected, especially because the majority of us felt compelled to return the favor in some way, passing it along to the next person we met. There was a sense of camaraderie reflected in simple gestures. We made eye contact and recognized our connection in that gaze. We smiled and saw the power of a friendly curl of the lips. We felt emboldened to look out for other people and felt good to be a productive part of society.

Ah, but society is now the devil, the root of evil conformity and repression of individual rights. Society is some mindless conglomerate of oppressive practices, where things as arbitrary as speed limits and traffic lights prevent us from driving unimpeded down life’s highway. Too many rules. Too many bosses. Too many affronts to our choices. Shouldn’t we be free to pursue our own desires without interference from those around us? Aren’t we the best judges of what we should do and how we should do it? Why should we consider what other people think or want?


The other day I returned my cart to the corral, where I found a tangle of carts spilling out into the path of ongoing cars. It took me less than sixty seconds to put them together, but what did that gesture say about me? That I’m a control freak and I have to have things neat and tidy? I’m sure that’s what the smug thirty-something woman who shoved her cart at the corral told herself, even as I was walking away. She had watched me put all those carts together as she loaded her groceries into her trunk. She saw them all nice and neat within the confines of the metal fencing. And yet she shoved her cart in the direction of the corral, knowing that another five steps would have allowed her to add the cart to the orderly line. That sideways glance at me made it clear that I was, in her view, some control freak, some oddball, some wacko with a compulsive disorder. (Good thing she wasn’t judgmental, right?)


What would I say to her if she had voiced her opinion of me? How would I answer her blind arrogance? I would say this. Every time I am in a public place, like a grocery store, I think about how many people are affected by my actions. I think about my fellow shoppers, including the mothers and fathers with young kids in tow, the elderly, and the handicapped — those people who need to pull into the best available parking space. I think about the store employees, trolling the parking lot to gather the shopping carts. Who am I to make their jobs more difficult by being sloppy and insensitive to their efforts, especially when the weather is brutally hot or cold?


What do I get out of my effort to make the parking lot a little better for those who come after me? I get the reminder that I am a part of a greater whole, a community. I realize that every time I push my cart into the corral. There are other people affected by my actions, and because of that, I have a responsibility to do right by them. I take that knowledge with me wherever I go. That’s why I look at people as I pass by. That’s why I offer a smile or a compliment or a friendly remark to the cashier who scans my groceries. That’s why I thank the person who bags my purchases. It’s my way of saying, “I see you and I recognize you as a person. I hope you show me the same consideration.”


We do not, as individuals, live in a bubble world, untouched and out of reach of our fellow human beings. A conscious decision to do right by others, the essence of the Golden Rule, is a practice of every good citizen. It transcends any organized religion. In a world of chaos and cruelty, where bad guys think they can act without consequences, it’s easy to become dismayed and disheartened. The world seems on the brink of disaster as human values seem to slip away from us. The only real remedy is to recognize the reality of human behavior. Those without a conscience are free to wreak havoc on the rest of us because they do not see us as having worth. They are set on their course and they will not allow themselves to have a change of heart. They will do what they will do regardless of consequences and in spite of the plight of their fellow citizens.


If we want the world to be a better place, we don’t have to cross the Sahara to do it. We don’t have to scale Mount Everest or sail half way around the world. Every time we practice a little kindness, every time we reach out with simple gestures, we weave the fabric of our society. We encourage those around us to take a chance and gain a little self-respect in the process.


No man or woman is ever an island in a world of people. We may feel alone or abandoned, but that’s because we’ve allowed our society to fracture. Every time we jettison our good sense, every time we ignore or excuse our own bad behavior by believing it’s someone else’s job to do these simple little things, we give ourselves and everyone else the permission to pretend the rest of society doesn’t matter. “We are the only people on the planet with any value.”


The Golden Rule was never a path to religious zealotry. It doesn’t make us idiots or fanatics when we practice it. It’s a means of recognizing that other people exist in this world and we need to get along with them. It makes us mindful of the reality that each of us has the power to influence the people around us. Every little effort we make defines us as people. We choose to empower good over evil. We choose sharing and caring over hoarding and selfishness.


Do I think that young woman who shoved her grocery cart at the corral understood that? No. She was busy thinking that she had so many things to do and her ten seconds was too valuable to waste. But someday…somewhere…somehow, she will be in need of an act of kindness. In that moment, when she feels her back is against the wall and there is no hope, her heart will open up and she will begin to understand that she is of this world. Her eyes will see what she has missed all these years and she will recognize her hunger for that human compassion she believed was meaningless. It will matter. And that’s when she will become a responsible member of society, aware of the people around her and willing to do her part to make this world a better place in which to live.



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